I’m not worth this …


Cycling is a sport where success and performance is often measured in dollars and grams.  When cycling is the fastest way to finish a triathlon, it becomes easy to focus on the “needs” and “wants” for top performance gear. But there is a slippery slope away from buying a faster bike split.

My loved ones are my #1 fans and they understand that I am both competitive and pragmatic.  So when I say “that’s so expensive, it’s wasted on me” or “I’d be better off skipping the donuts than trying to shave grams off my bike” they know I’m saying “I don’t want to spend the money.”

But there can be vague fuzzy lines between “the added benefit is not worth the cost to me” and “it’s not worth it” and “I’m not worth it.

I can point to a number of moments in my life where I felt as though “I’m not worth this.”  This is not a self-confidence issue, it’s more of a (lack of) self-awareness.

I played high school sports and it wasn’t until our football team lost to a rival school and broke our multi-season winning streak that I became self-aware.  The coach was furious and telling us off, in the way an effective coach should … one-by-one … highlighting why each of us failed … And why he was so disappointed in each of us.  It was my turn. He looked at me and simply said “Up until Sunday, I was sure that you were scholarship material.” His lips continued moving but there was silence.  “Scholarship material” echoed in my head. I’m not worth that. What school would want to give me a scholarship?  As it eventually turned out – several.

Flash forward a little less than 20 years and I’m looking the price tag on a set of aero wheels, explaining to my loving wife that “I’m not worth that. Those are more expensive than all my gear combined – including my wetsuit, bike, and all my sneakers.”

This is not a budget or money thing. I truly feel like this expense is wasted on me and mt bike. My wife turns to our friend that runs the bike shop and says … Show me your bikes, he needs a bike that is better than those wheels.

A year later, one of the best bike fitters in the business is running Bike Express in Danbury, CT.  He and his team selected me – they will coach me, let me ride a custom-built bike, and provide any other necessary support so I can race my first 140.6 full iron distance race at Rev3’s Cedar Point  140.6.

It’s difficult to silence the “I’m not worth this” mantra from slipping back into my head.  I try to replace it with positive affirmations because there is a whole team of people that believe in me.

My road to Cedar Point continues and I am worthy of being on this road.



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